For years I’ve dreamed of getting the above picture of Cindy–perched on top of a stool on a street in Asia and not sure what the heck is happening. This is a pretty important moment. Our street food breakfast was just congee and pickles, which would be one of my top three choices for a last meal. For the record, the little girl sitting at the end of Cindy’s table stared at Cindy the entire time. Cindy didn’t notice because she was too busy stuffing her face.

Statues on the beach

More statues on the beach

My dad had a dental appointment in the afternoon so it was a pretty low key day. We made a beach stop before heading to lunch in the city. I think my dad has made it his personal mission to make Cindy gain 25 lbs because he feeds her as if she’s an offensive lineman. The previous day, he ordered a Szechuan set menu for four and he told me the extra one was for Cindy. Today, it was Shanghai food.

“My poor hips” -Cindy

China’s rapid pace of development has forced its people to adjust just as rapidly. Unlike buildings however, new attitudes can’t just be constructed, and that creates conflict. For instance, a combination of child-bearing restrictions and richer communities have severely stunted birth rates. Historically, Chinese parents and grandparents depend upon their children and grandchildren to take care of them in their old age. In most cases, grandparents expect to move in with their oldest child.

When families were large and resources shared, this way of life was sustainable. But now, three generations of only children would produce a family of four grandparents, two parents, and only one child. Expecting that one child to support his/her older family members is an impossibility. And if that child marries a person from similarly structured family, then eight grandparents and four parents are depending upon two children, an even more far-fetched expectation. Nevertheless, it is still an expectation that is widely held. It is considered shameful not to support one’s family members and grandparents who don’t live with younger generations feel abandoned, lost, and resentful.

My dad, to his credit, seems to have foreseen these circumstances and has adopted a different philosophy. He took Cindy and me to a nursing home (increasing in number, though still rare) where he expects to live later. He does not want to be coddled by his children and grandchildren, nor does he want to coddle them. He makes fun of his friends who are glued to their grandchildren as babysitters or still financially support their adult children.

It’s an uncommon attitude for an older Chinese man to have, but one that will certainly become more common as demographic pressures become stronger.