Goodbye, USA! Our first flight was onboard a Boeing 787, aka the Dreamliner. The most noticeable improvement is that they removed the window shades and replaced them with a blue tint that can be adjusted with a button (seen in the above photo right under the window). This allows the crew to adjust window brightness automatically, removing agency from annoying people who insist on raising their window shades while everyone else is asleep.

As luck would have it, my particular seat on the Dreamliner didn’t work. Like, literally nothing worked. My touch screen TV did not work. My remote control did not work. My light did not work. I could not recline. I couldn’t even call a stewardess to rescue me because my call stewardess button also did not work. For 12 hours I sat bored and upright while Cindy happily enjoyed her Dreamliner entertainment options.

Upon arriving in Beijing, I felt like that most annoying of Tetris blocks. You all know which one I’m talking about–it’s shaped like a “Z” and, when it inevitably came first, it leaves a square space that you have to shimmy the next block into at the last second.

Oh loathsome Tetris block, aka my body’s shape

After Cindy straightened me out, we went through immigration. Little did we know that immigration would be the theme of the evening. We had some time to kill so we had what Cindy called the best airport meal of her life. It was braised duck with bamboo and black mushrooms, stir fried bok choy, and chicken herbal soup. The meal cost $10. Somehow, my tea cost $5.

I tried to capture Cindy in the least attractive position possible

After dinner, we made our way towards our Hong Kong flight. Along with Macau and Taiwan, Hong Kong occupies a special place in Chinese transportation. They are, or at least are considered to be, in the same country, but they’re a little extra-domestic and have their own area in the Beijing airport. In other words, we had to go through immigration.

Having passed immigration from the USA to China, we figured immigration from China to China* would be pretty easy in comparison. Nope. Passport checks took three times as long. At security, the buttons on my shirt set off the metal detector and I had to be wanded. Except I wasn’t shuffled into an out of the way area. I had to stand on a friggin’ pedestal in the middle of the security area while a security agent eagerly prodded my crevices. At one point he even lifted up my shirt to wand me (because my shirt deflects the wand’s magical rays?)  and I swear the Kazakhs waiting in line were pointing and laughing at my flab. “Haha look at that Chinese person with the American clothes, we should fight him because we know we will beat him.”

Cindy was not wanded, but she did pack a toiletry bag with about 20 little travel sized containers of whatever. One of them was coconut oil and was confiscated by an agent. The look of horror on Cindy’s face when he grabbed her coconut oil was pretty tremendous. She tried explaining that her fro-factor for the next year was resting in his hands, but I don’t think he sympathized with Mexican hair problems. He tossed it into the trash glibly and a little part of Cindy died on the inside.

By the time we reached Hong Kong, we had been awake for over 20 hours. Because of the Hong Kong border situation, my dad was waiting for us just across the border in mainland China (he lives in the neighboring city of Shenzhen). We just had to get to the border. Just one more leg! But before we could travel that leg, we had to go through immigration. If you’re counting, this was the third time. Since it was past midnight, all the buses from the Hong Kong airport to the Chinese border were no longer running. We found a taxi driver and negotiated the price in three different currencies (priced at China RMB, paid for in USD, and change given in HKD).

Our taxi drove us to the border where we, wait for it, went through immigration. After escaping Hong Kong, A shuttle bus then drove us over a bridge where we could then walk into China from China*.

Cindy walks into China

Awaiting us in China was… immigration (fifth time). Cindy’s eyes said it all: “Please don’t take my facial cream, it’s all I have left.” Upon finally reaching China, again, it was 2 AM and we were greeted by my dad who drove us the rest of the way to his house. Day 1 complete. It was about 23 hours total, about half of which was spent at immigration.